Foolproof advices to write an awesome best man speech. / by Giuliano Bausano

I'm the best man and it’s my job to embarrass you!

Congratulations! You’re the best man! It's time now to write your speech. A small percentage of people love it but the huge percentage of the people, are not used to, that’s why I’m writing you few hints about it.

Erin & Giovanni - Castello Castelluccia-27.jpg

Write it in advance

I’d recommend to start to write it approximately two months in advance, as close to the wedding date many events will happen and you'll be probably somehow distracted.

First impression

Use one of your best, killer opening line, a cool sentence to start your speech it’s important as there’s not another chance to give a good “first impression”.

Leave the spouse out

You’ll be happy to tell some funny story, to joke the groom but please, leave the new spouse out of them.

Try it

Even if you’re feeling confident about it, I’d recommend you to try your speech in front of a friend, of just with the camera of your mobile phone or the computer, record it and then watch it with a critical point of view.

Notes

Even if you’ve got an amazing memory, write down a few sentences on a few small note cards, to be sure that some emotional moment won’t let you without words.

Change mood

It would be great if you’ll be able to change the mood, during the speech, of the jokes and episodes you are telling, a quick joke may be followed by some funny story and then, by an emotional sentence.

Topic to avoid

No matter how funny you think it would be, there are certain topics which may often someone:
anything negative about weddings and marriage in general, previous relationships, divorce, drink and drugs, sex.


bridesmaids villa miani rome.jpg

I'd like to post here a speech of the best man who caused to me a lot of fun and emotions during the wedding of Ciara & David and I'd like to share it because it could be a good (or bad) example for many others, too.

Hi everyone, I'm William and before start my speech, I would like to ask everyone if we could hold a toast to absent friends and relatives... Thank you!

Now let get this started... Well, I and Davy have known each other from about the age of 4 or 5. So you would think that would have no problem in finding some memories and stories to tell you about Davy and what he is really like. But to be honest from the day he asked me to be his best man, my mind just went blank, but don't worry he asked me ages ago so I have come up with some good stories.

The best memories I have are mostly from primary school and I know Davy knows one of the stories I am going to tell and he's going to hate me for it but I don't really care, I'm the best man and it′s my job to embarrass you!

Soooo, our primary school took us on a five-day trip to a place called Cabra Towers. We were in either P6 or P7 when this happened. But one day we all went to the swimming pool and poor Davy isn't the best swimmer, in fact, he swims like a brick, he absolutely hates water! Well we were all in the shallow end of the pool having a bit of fun, messing around with one another when this guy called Ashley S. just went up to Davy and for no reason just gave him the slightest of pushes towards the deep end and what happens next is hilarious... There's Davy being taken by the current into the deep end and everyone who was there just seemed to stop what they were doing and decided to watch poor Davy's misfortune appearing, a few minutes later there was the lifeguard throwing the rubber ring in and pulling Davy out of the pool with the bright blue face and a belly full of water.

It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen and to this day I still regard Ashley S. as a legend and one of the best men on this planet for doing such an act, could we have a round of applause for Ashley, please.

I told myself I would only tell that one story of Davy in school, but l changed my mind this next one is even better. It was again in primary school in P6 or P7 when we were being taught by a teacher called Mrs. McRoberts. Back then Davy wasn't the size he is today, he was bigger!!

Now I can't actually remember what or why the teacher asked Davy to lift his school bag off the ground but when he did, he let off one of the loudest farts I have ever heard, as you can imagine the whole class was laughing their heads off and Mrs. McRoberts told Davy to get out and take two laps around the school before he comes back to take the smell away. Davy got stuck for weeks after this one!

Back in primary school, we had a hockey team, with me being the captain, Nicky G. was goalkeeper one year and outfielder another and then the year Davy decided he wanted to be on the team he became the goalkeeper. Davy always claimed he was the best goalkeeper, even better than Nicky G., who actually was the best. The only reason Davy was so good at being goalkeeper was that once he got all the keeper gear on he was that fat, he filled the whole net, it was impossible to score!

cake cutting wedding como lake.jpg

Now Davy always gets these genius ideas and I get the phone call to put them in place or in most cases… fix them!

I am sure you have all heard the story about Davy putting a cat flap in Ciara′s door. When I called out to see the damage, my first thought was Ciara was going to need a new door but Willy to the rescue, I sorted it! We won′t even mention the Man Caves he was looking me to build in the attic!

Davy has always been into his golf and he′s so competitive at it. He has improved a hell of a lot and is playing some great stuff, but when we play around together, he hates it cause I always win and I rarely play. There have been a few times I have seen Davy losing the plot and throwing a club into a pond or swinging a club at a harmless tree in bad temper9. Ahh, the joys of golfing, eh Davy?

Last year I built a house and already I have had to re-mortgage it because of Davy asking me to be best man, organize the stag do and travel the whole way to Rome to watch him get married! For God sake Davy, you could have just gone round to the golf club.

Your good mate Fergie is head chef there!

Now l have told you what Davy was like from no age, and I can also tell you that he worships Ciara and loves her dearly, will look after and always be there for her. She is the boss and wears the trousers but when they are both together I can tell that they are totally in love with one another.

To be honest, I am so glad Davy met Ciara because I really wouldn't know where Davy would be right now if he hadn't. She truly is a blessing and is Davy's rock! But when she's not there, I am Davy's rock! Nearly every day are so I would have him either telling me how he's getting on in work or how he's doing at golf or just general chat. You are my best friend and I don't' care what anyone else says about you... I think you're dead on, mate!

To the Bride & Groom!!!